He Rocks

Michael started a new job this week. He's happy with it, but the work is hard and the shifts are long. He is scheduled nights and we're all trying to settle in to a different routine. It's exciting and challenging. Strange to think we are in the throws of a life we could only dream of during deployments. Now it's here and we've adjusted to being civilians again.

(He's really enjoying his post-military beard. It's gotten even more unruly since then.) 

So thankful for this man and his drive to support us. Marrying him is the best choice I've made.

Three Weeks

We're three weeks into this deployment and today was the first I wasn't able to speak with Michael. I am having a hard time and I think that missed phone call has everything to do with it. Funny how a 25 minute dose of Michael does me well. 

We miss him. 

Life is so crazy good for so many reasons, but there are times in the midst of joy I look into Levi's face and my heart aches because Michael should be here. He should be here experiencing all this good with us.

When Michael calls each morning I hold the phone to Levi's ear for a few minutes. He becomes very still and listens hard. He never says anything in reply but always smiles in a knowing way. He is very aware that his daddy is on the other end and it brings forth a lot of emotion for us both. 

Some days are harder than others. 

Let's Get This Over With

Michael is deploying. Again.

He returned from Iraq one year ago this month. Like clockwork, that army. My walls are up and I'm trying my best not to let reality seep through the cracks. There are moments of weakness. "The last time" hangs fresh in my memory.

I dread his departure. I'll fight ever fiber not to chase after him as he loads onto that bus. Watching someone you love drive away is such an awful thing. Coming home to an empty bed is even worse.

I'll be busy. I know that. Busy chasing a toddler. Busy building a business. Busy making a home. 

And there's our family. Our friends. 

But the pain is there. It's inevitable and terrifying and hard.

For now I busy myself with boxes that need filling and a house that needs finding. With one deployment under our belt, I know we'll be ok. It won't be easy, but I guess that's just a part of growing.

Road Kill

On our way home from dinner last night, we hit a pheasant.

I was glued to my iPhone when DH blasted the horn and slammed on the brakes. I saw a burst of feathers and then we were pulling over.

DH surveyed the damage, and after declaring two broken legs and a broken wing decided to take it upon himself to break its neck, too. (He was being nice, you know. Didn't want the coyotes to eat it alive. Are there coyotes in Kansas?)

He thoughtfully dumped it into a BACK PACK and set it on the seat beside our son.

I have a dead bird in the fridge. A DEAD BIRD. (Right next to the diet coke and shredded cheese.) I mean really, who in their right mind would eat an animal? I much prefer hamburgers or chicken tenders.

A Commitment Made

"True love is not this fairytale life that never knows pain, it's two souls facing it together and diminishing it with unconditional love." 

Two years later, that's exactly what we're doing. Happy anniversary, husband. You know how much I love you.