Three Weeks

We're three weeks into this deployment and today was the first I wasn't able to speak with Michael. I am having a hard time and I think that missed phone call has everything to do with it. Funny how a 25 minute dose of Michael does me well. 

We miss him. 

Life is so crazy good for so many reasons, but there are times in the midst of joy I look into Levi's face and my heart aches because Michael should be here. He should be here experiencing all this good with us.

When Michael calls each morning I hold the phone to Levi's ear for a few minutes. He becomes very still and listens hard. He never says anything in reply but always smiles in a knowing way. He is very aware that his daddy is on the other end and it brings forth a lot of emotion for us both. 

Some days are harder than others. 

We Are Going To Be Ok (And That Feels Good)

We said goodbye to Michael on Monday morning. It was a lot harder than I remember it being our first deployment. I just could not stop crying.

 

 

Since then we have successfully managed to drive a moving truck (with our car hitched to it) from Kansas to Wisconsin. My in-laws made a trip down to help us pack, load, and drive back. We could not have done it without them - WHAT a job. I am so glad it's over with. (I hate moving. And goodbyes.)

Michael has arrived safely to his destination and I've gotten three phone calls from him. Levi and I are all moved in to my parents house for the next six months, and (knock on wood) so far everything is going smoothly.

I am adjusting to a busy schedule, and have so much tv to catch up on it's ridiculous. My mom and I have been preparing for a rummage sale, so between that, unpacking, shopping, taking care of Levi, and seeing my families - these last few days have been a blur. Saturday I have an interview with our local coffee shop, and I would start training next week already. Monday I am taking Levi with me to a military support group and next saturday I begin photo sessions again. (I haven't touched my camera in months. Instagram is where it's at.) On top of all that, I plan to start RUNNING to get rid of this weight. Monday Weigh-In posts are coming back and I am super excited!

Thank you LORD for distractions, a WONDERFUL husband and a great support system! We are so blessed!

The One I Wrote In Two Minutes

Does a deploying daddy or a moving mommy have spare time to do fun things like blog, relax, or... blog?

Yeah right.

Especially when said mommy (the queen of procrastination) waited until she only had several days to pack up her whole house?

Ouch.

Maybe in a week I'll find time to do fun stuff. But right now? I'm too busy scrambling. And when I'm not scrambling, I'm squeezing in kisses or cuddles with Michael. (Who may guest post before he leaves. If he finds the time, that is.)

Back to stuffing boxes. If you talk to God this weekend, we'd really appreciate your prayers. It's gonna be a tough one all around.

Scared

My spirits are so very heavy. I try to summon the energy to blog. To do chores, to change diapers, to give baths, to make meals.

But it's not there.

I lay on my side of the bed each morning and think how another day has gone.

Levi knows something is up. He follows Michael around like a puppy and cries by the door when he leaves. He wakes up screaming at night and wants nothing to do with me. (We're thinking night terrors.) He just wants his daddy.

I'm anxious to return to Wisconsin. To the hustle and bustle of a busy life. To distractions. I have all this pent up ambition pulsing through my veins and it needs to be executed. I know who I want to be and I can't be her here. But in the midst of my day dreams I remember Michael won't be there, and every day brings us closer to a goodbye. It's a giant flashing light. panic. Panic. PANIC.

I hate feeling like a baby about this. The people I admire most are strong in the face of adversity. They have such grace and courage.

I want to, too.